How Teams Learn to Play Their Own Game Series: Part 4, From Polite to Powerful: Facing the Fight in Stage 2

Why Conflict Is a Gift (If You Dare to Stay in the Room) 

🧭 When the First Storm Hits 

Everything was going fine. 

The team was polite, eager, and well-organized. You had a few good meetings. A sense of shared momentum. And then – something shifted. Voices got sharper. Emails became less friendly. Some team members started pushing back, while others suddenly stopped speaking at all. 

And as a leader, your first thought might be: What did I do wrong? 

But this isn’t failure. This is Stage 2. 

The moment when teams stop pretending. When harmony gives way to honesty. And where many teams and leaders quietly pull back instead of pushing through. 

I’ve been there. I’ve felt the sting of feedback I didn’t ask for. I’ve watched a session derail because someone finally said what everyone else was thinking. And I’ve walked out of meetings wondering if the whole thing was about to fall apart. 

Only to realize later: that was the moment it started to come alive. 

🔍 What Is Stage 2 – Counterdependency & Fighting? 

Stage 2 is the tension phase. It marks the shift from quiet dependency to personal expression. The masks come off, and people start showing up with their real voice. It’s a messy, vibrant, and often misunderstood part of team development. 

It begins with questioning – of decisions, roles, leadership. People want more clarity, more fairness, more space to be themselves. There’s a desire for autonomy wrapped in defensiveness. The politeness of Stage 1 is replaced with something rawer. And this is where real leadership begins. 

It doesn’t always look like a heated debate. Sometimes, it’s a pattern of passive-aggressive silence. A teammate who checks out. A sudden resistance to previously agreed ideas. You’ll feel the tension long before it’s named out loud. 

What’s essential to understand is that this isn’t dysfunction. It’s growth trying to happen. 

🛠️ What the Team Needs in Stage 2 

This is not a phase you rush. It requires patience, presence, and the courage to stand still when things feel uncomfortable. Teams don’t need to be fixed here. They need space to be honest. They need a leader who stays – not with answers, but with openness. 

What matters now is that the team starts to name what’s underneath the surface. That the feedback doesn’t just go upward, but circulates. That frustrations aren’t swallowed but heard. 

Often, the greatest act of leadership is simply saying: “Yes, this is hard. And no, it doesn’t mean we’re failing.” 

Stage 2 is not the time for perfect performance. It’s the time for deeper understanding. For building the capacity to stay in the room when things get tough – and to come out stronger. 

⚠️ What Happens If You Skip This Phase 

The danger of skipping Stage 2 isn’t that the conflict disappears – it’s that it goes underground. 

You’ll still have tension. But now it shows up as disengagement, or quiet sabotage. As ideas withheld. As trust slowly leaking away. 

A team that skips this phase may look calm. But it’s brittle. There’s no muscle memory for navigating friction. No foundation of truth. And without that, there’s no real progress. 

🔑 What Leadership Looks Like Here 

This is the phase where leaders earn trust – not through control, but through containment. Can you hold the room when it starts to wobble? Can you listen when feedback stings? Can you allow disagreement to surface without jumping to fix it? 

Real leadership here means slowing down. Asking better questions. Making it safe to be real. 

It means saying: “We’re in something right now. And we’ll move through it together.” 

Because when a team survives Stage 2 with honesty and care, it gains something priceless: the ability to disagree without falling apart. 

🎮 What Miki Island Teaches in Stage 2 

In Miki Island, this phase comes alive quickly. The game structure invites collaboration – but collaboration is hard when assumptions collide. Suddenly, someone takes charge in a way that doesn’t land well. Someone else checks out. The group starts fragmenting. 

And instead of explaining it away, they get to see it. Together. In real time. 

What follows is a conversation most teams rarely have. One rooted in observation rather than blame. One where insight becomes action. 

It’s not about resolving the tension. It’s about understanding it. And from that place, something begins to shift. 

🎯 Closing Invitation – Stay in the Room 

This is the stage where many teams pull back – or break down. But it’s also the stage where the deepest trust is forged. 

If you find your team in a moment of turbulence, don’t run. Don’t shut it down. Stay curious. Stay grounded. Stay in the room. 

Because on the other side of Stage 2 isn’t more chaos – it’s clarity. Alignment. And a team that’s finally real enough to grow.