How Teams Learn to Play Their Own Game Series: Part 3, Polite but Paralyzed? Why Your Team Might Be Stuck in Stage 1

Stage 1 Team Survival Guide: Building Real Safety Without Slowing Down

🧭 When Politeness Hides Paralysis

It starts off well. The team is polite, enthusiastic even. People show up on time, smile at meetings, and nod along. No drama. No resistance. 

And yet… there’s something missing. 

No one pushes back. No one volunteers a wild idea. No one says, “I’m lost.” 

If you’re leading a team, in business or sport, you might know this feeling. You’re trying to get traction, but everything feels softer than it should. People are looking to you for all the answers but keeping their own cards close. There’s no real learning environment; people are afraid to make mistakes or feel attacked by even the lightest suggestion. Everyone is friendly, but nothing feels truly safe. And no one is truly connected. 

I’ve seen it so often and sometimes I didn’t recognize it until much later. A team that looks fine on the outside, but under the water, everyone is still holding their breath. They’re eager, yes. But hesitant. Guarded. Unwilling to be the first to speak up, to challenge, to show vulnerability. And if we don’t name this moment, it quietly becomes a ceiling we all adjust to. 

This is Stage 1 – the polite phase, the safe zone. Or at least, the appearance of safety. 

🔍 A Landscape of Unspoken Rules 

Stage 1, also known as Dependency & Inclusion, is where every team begins – or begins again. It tends to appear when a team is newly formed, when someone new joins, or when something has shifted that causes people to recalibrate their sense of safety and belonging. In this phase, people constantly scan the environment, wondering: Am I safe here? What’s expected? What’s allowed? 

Rather than speaking freely, people test the waters. They stay quiet, agree publicly while wondering privately, and withhold feedback even when it could help. Everyone plays nice, but no one plays fully. And from the outside, this can look like progress, everyone getting along, no conflict, no tension. But look closer, and you’ll see the team hasn’t actually taken a step forward. They’re stalled in performance mode, waiting for a signal that it is okay to be real. 

🛠 The Architecture of Safety 

Stage 1 isn’t a problem to fix or a hurdle to jump. It’s a foundation to lay with care. What teams need here isn’t a push toward action, but reassurance that it is safe to engage honestly. They need structure and clarity: what are we doing, who’s doing what, how do we decide? But more than that, they need an invitation. A true welcome. Not just “Glad you’re here,” but “Here’s how you belong.” 

This phase is about giving permission to ask questions, to make mistakes, to not have all the answers. And itis about these human moments that remind us that we are more than just our roles; the laughter in a team check-in, the story that shows vulnerability, the shared struggle that softens the edges. 

The goal isn’t to speed through this stage. It’s to create an environment where people feel seen, safe, and connected enough to move forward with trust. 

⚠️ The Risk of Getting Comfortable Here 

The danger of Stage 1 isn’t that it exists; it is that we stay there. Politeness is comfortable, but comfort can slowly turn into stagnation. When a team lingers too long in Stage 1, feedback begins to dry up. Conflict goes underground. Initiative feels risky. 

People start performing the role of teammates without ever stepping into the role fully. They say the right things and do what’s expected: but their insight, creativity, and real contribution stay hidden. And the longer this last, the harder it is to change. Because challenging the culture means risking the harmony that everyone has silently agreed to maintain. 

🔑 Leadership in the Quiet Phase 

Stage 1 is where leaders do some of their most important work – not by leading from the front, but by creating the space for others to step in. It’s less about checking if the team is on track, and more about asking whether people feel seen, safe, and ready to engage. 

This is the time to name what’s happening: “We’re still getting to know each other. It’s okay to feel unsure.” To ask what is not being said yet. To model uncertainty and openness. And to introduce simple, repeated rituals: check-ins, storytelling, moments of shared reflection that build rhythm and trust. 

🎮 What Miki Island Makes Visible 

In Miki Island, you don’t have to wait long to see Stage 1. Within minutes, teams begin navigating uncertainty: Who’s doing what? Do we speak up or wait? Are we playing to win or playing it safe? 

This is what makes the experience so powerful. Instead of talking about dynamics in theory, teams live them, in real time, in a low-stakes environment, through play. And in that play, patterns emerge. Laughter softens defensiveness. Insight begins to grow. The group sees how it hesitated, how it stayed polite, and how it avoided the hard questions. And suddenly, the language shifts: “We were too quiet.” “We didn’t say what we needed.” “We were stuck in Stage 1.” 

With that awareness comes energy and movement. 

🎯 Closing Invitation – Begin Where You Are 

Every team starts in Stage 1. Some return to it again and again. That’s not a failure. It’s part of the rhythm of team life. Stage 1 is not a flaw. It’s an opening. A chance to set a foundation not just of structure, but of safety and inclusion. 

So, if you recognize your team in these words, if you see the politeness, the hesitation, the potential waiting just beneath the surface, let’s talk. 

Because maybe, just maybe, it starts with one honest sentence. And from there, something extraordinary begins. 

Next in Part 4: “From Polite to Powerful.” How teams face the fight of Stage 2 and why conflict is a fuel for progress.